Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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