im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
