did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
