there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
