guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
