he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
