So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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