sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
