So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
