Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
