had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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