recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't turn off my feet"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize