I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its not stalking. its research.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
