My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
