as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
