He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
