Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
