im six kinds of drunk right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
