if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You ruined the universe
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
