Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
