Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
