I heard we made out
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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