Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
