well most of my day revolves around power hour
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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