she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
