the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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