Where is the hickey?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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