Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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