I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
