I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
