did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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