We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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