meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
