allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
