I just saw a hot homeless man
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
