About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
