p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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