u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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