You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
