My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
