we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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