Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
