I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize