i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
