look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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