Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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