Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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