Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
