There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
