margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
