i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
