All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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