That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
