You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Found the puke drawer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
