dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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