Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
