I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
