my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
