Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
