and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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