Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
