I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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