i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
