Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
