I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
