So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
