Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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