she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
