No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
