we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
