My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
