honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
