i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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