alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
