I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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