College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
