his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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