The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
