Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
