Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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