haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
