I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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