You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
