he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
