Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
