Apparently you make a good broom.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Randomize
