I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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