I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
