She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
