Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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