your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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