The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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