Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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