I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
