I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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