Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
