thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
