Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
