You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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