I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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