I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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