i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
