I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize