Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
