Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
