after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
