I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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